The forgotten you?

I totally even forgot I had a blog. Isn’t that  a damn shame? It seems as though my writing (along with my wardrobe, my figure and my bank account) has undergone a severe downgrade since Mekhi came into the picture. In the everyday hubbub of life, when I’m not editing someone’s shotty writing at work or changing a diaper at home, sometimes I get the urge to put pen to pad or fingers to keys and nothing comes out. Funny thing, all day long my brain dumps itself onto my Blackberry keys via twitter, but when it comes time to put something together that is concise, creative and shows the best of what I’ve got, there is nothing. Of course, every artist must PRACTICE and develop their craft for their talent to remain vibrant and fresh. I must do better for myself – I have a gift, I know this.

In high school and college, people always looked to me for my editing and writing skills. When I write something and share it, inevitably people ask me when my book is coming out so they can purchase it. Hell, can you tell me when it’s coming out so I can collect this check? Shit is real in these streets and frankly, I feel like if it’s not going to make me money then forget about it. However, I know that’s such a horrible attitude to take because I am in essence letting one of the greatest parts of me slip right through my fingers and into oblivion.

It’s crazy how when you become a parent, at least a good one, EVERYTHING becomes about that little person. My man and I have a discussion every so often about how different life has been since our child entered our lives and while I wouldn’t give him back for anything (most days), I do long for some of the pre-baby days when all we had to worry about was waking up to get to work on time after a night of fuckery.  We used to get calls about parties, get-togethers etc and the only thing we had to consider was whether or not we had enough herbal refreshments to last the evening. Now, we have to find a sitter, remember to pack every necessary thing to make Mekhi comfortable, get there and enjoy ourselves within a long enough time so we don’t seem like the old ass couple when we go home at 2 am because it’s past our bedtime. Our trips to the grocery store and other locations are well-planned to be time efficient and require the least amount of effort, as it can be pretty hard to tote shopping bags and a 20-lb boy.

My eyebrows look like I have two caterpillars growing on my face and my hair looks like I just stuck my finger in an electrical socket. I am wearing pants I bought in my sophomore year of college (5 years ago) and a T-shirt I stole from my younger cousin. This is not me! I was never the flyest thing in the room, but I’ve always dressed and carried myself well. Now, I’m lucky if I make it out of the house with underwear on instead of a pamper. (OK that was an exaggeration but you get my drift.) Bernrich hasn’t bought himself anything new in god knows when, and well, we’re both getting a little sick of ourselves in our current state.

As young parents, we have to make a lot of sacrifices. We knew this. It appalls me when I see people talking about their children as if they’re some sort of burden they’ve been shackled with. Unless someone held a gun to your head and said you HAD to have this baby or else, you had a choice to undertake the responsibility of another life. We did so with the knowledge that it wouldn’t be easy because we are first-timers and will falter…A LOT. However, being a new parent doesn’t mean you have to be handcuffed to your child’s crib, doomed to a life of folding onesies until they can use the potty on their own. About a month or so ago, Rick and I had a weekend in the Poconos to ourselves. We didn’t do much – some winter sports and a lot of relaxation for two days. Mekhi was with one of his three grandmas and we checked in when we could get service. Although I felt somewhat guilty for leaving him at home, I had to reason with myself that every now and again, it’s OK to take a break! It’s OK to sit down and do something you enjoy that has nothing to do with your partner or your child. IT’S OK!!

I really don’t know if I’m talking to myself or some fictitious following of readers I think i have, but I’ll say this. It’s important to take time for yourself when you need it. Do something that might make only you happy and be at peace with yourself because of it. So much of life is spent trying to make other people happy that we often forget how to do the same for ourselves.

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