NO, not this one. The OTHER aisle.

One thing about me is that I notice a lot of details about things I find interesting. If I’m in a store and I find something I like, I know how to look for it online (a lot of times those prices are cheaper) because I remember the fabric, color, style, stitching etc…I also like to people-watch and I notice little quirks about people that others may not. As I move around this earth, I observe and ponder, and here are some of the things my brain has come up with recently:

–exactly WHY doesn’t this 6’2 woman know that it is NOT okay for her size 12 feet to be hanging off the front of those damn sandals? I guess it must be pretty hard for her to find clothing, bc it’s sometimes hard for me to find stuff and my biggest problem is that my ancestors had fat asses, and so do I. This woman has a large behind and big feet and is tall, so I know she struggles with having options, but the way she comes out her house sometimes is so not fair. Her toes are clinging to dear life on the edge of those wedges, creating lines on the carpet as they drag on the ground behind her like someone just vacuumed. That lop-sided wig with the highlights that don’t match her skin complexion is laughable at best, and will become tragic once it’s been around for the next 4 months until she takes it off. I’m sure she’s older than 30, so the jeans with sparkly butterflies up and down the legs are a few years too late. Somebody bring a miracle onto this child!

– I want one of you people with “swag” to tell me why it’s OK for fools to wear skinny jeans so tight we can see when they fart to still be sagging those shits and showing us their boxers..Do you want yeast infections or to be gangsta? Make up your mind

-As someone whose stomach stopped being flat years ago, I am the last person to tell somebody they need to lose weight. I am, however, the one to say that you look a damn fool with those too-small jeans on. Ole girl looked like the jeans were trying to bite her back, they were cutting her skin so much..I think the warmth created between her ass crack and the denim could’ve been used to create glass.

-for the LIFE of me I cannot understand how people don’t smell themselves as the day progresses. I had to create a shortcut around my desk to walk to the water cooler because I couldn’t stand to go by this fool who smells like a bag of horse shit, onions, and broken dreams. It was 104 degrees last week and miserable, yet homie had on a long-sleeve shirt, tie and track jacket. What the hell are you doing wearing a track jacket in 104 degrees? i swear every time I even had to walk over there I would get pissed off.

-Is it me or is wearing natural hair starting to be a fad? I know some women genuinely want to reduce the cycle that made their hair unhealthy and overprocessed, but some chicks are using this to “find themselves” and adopt whole new lifestyles. Like if you were getting perms, eating pork, sucking/fucking all crazy, smoking weed and drinking before, I DONT BELIEVE YOU now that you’re a saved vegetarian who prays to rocks and vows to be celibate the rest of your life. If you don’t want to relax your hair, then FINE. I’m glad you love your naps. However, don’t think you can do a big chop, slap some conditioner in your shit and not comb it for 3 months, then tell me you’ve “gone natural.” siddown.

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